A Quest for Knowledge

As seniors it is not only our responsibility to oversee your athletic development, but also your emotional and social development. In past years our awkward and inexperienced freshman were forged into renaissance men through an informal process. In recent years this process has been dropped because of the excellent caliber of incoming freshman (Figure 1), but it has become painfully obvious how much trouble our current underclassmen are in (Figure 2). For this reason, we feel a more formal mechanism is needed to help you overcome your awkward and uncool ways. Like Moses climbed the heights of Mt. Sinai, we invite the team to surmount hills of ineptitude and bask in the infinite wisdom, coolness, foosness, and maturity of your seniors. For this reason your seniors will be assigning short assignments. Topics will deal with important issues like foosball, running, ladies, bruskies, and sleep. Assignments are optional, but you should know that assignments have been proven to significantly increase intelligence, attractiveness, leg speed, and wrist strength (Data not published). Failure to complete assignments have been shown to have negative effects (Figure 3). You do not want to end up at the foosball table with your pants around your ankles for the rest of your life, and your seniors do not want to see it either.

To make this a communal learning experience we have started this blog, which, for now, will feature only researched topics but may expand in the future. We will have chances to comment on our peers' posts and suggest future topics of study. We are excited about this new tradition and invite you all to dive in feet first.

Your loving seniors,
Mickey, Shoopie, and RossFigure 1: Bad-ass motherhugging seniors
Figure 2: Socially awkward loser juniors (notice lack of explosions and foosball tables, small brains).
Figure 3: Something bad