If a younger student asked what Mr. Katz is like......

• That he is a good teacher and he knows how to teach
• his a cool teacher
• A good teacher knows how to teach
• That your very good and he will help you if you need help on n e thing
• He is cool.
• That Mr. Katz is a awesome teacher I really think you would learn alot from him.  He is fun cool and funny I wish I could have him as a teacher again.
• That he is a great and understand and patient teacher.  He understands you he's always willing to help you and he always help you belief in your self.  He also challenge you mind and help you become a better student.
• Informable, if thats even a word.

From the North Woods

Mr. Katz is at "the dropout machine"

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el partido de partir

The Lenten Challenge, while now in its final stages, is a sacred and hallowed tradition on the Swarthmore Cross Country team. Many generations of Swarthmore runners have taken the challenge, braving pissed off significant-others, multiple ice-cold showers and the dreaded blue-balls to prove their manliness, their devotion to the Judeo-Christian tradition, and to see whether or not they too can go to Paces and ward off that attractive prospect who is physically climbing into the challenger’s pants. However pure that striving may be, losing the Lenten Challenge is a completely different matter. It is an occasion filled with shame, disgust, regret and guilt. To correctly blow ones chances of winning the competition, one must first ascertain that the loser has completed the necessary requirements for a stunningly terrible loss. The ramifications of not taking these reproachable duties in hand could bring shame and dishonor forever upon your family name.

To begin, remember that no Lenten Challenge shortfall would be complete without the essential wild and crazy sex. When the loser in question blows his load, there had better be a damn good reason for it, and the wildest ride of ones life is a pretty good reason. So no, Dan, your hand does not count. Now if the loser in question is questioning whether or not the sex was good enough, your fearless essayist has some good rules of thumb.

1. There must be screaming involved. How the scream comes about is not relevant. So whether it felt so good you just had to let out a holler, you felt that guilty about letting Jesus, the angels and your teammates down, or because your partner’s leather whip started to draw blood, it is not for this essayist to decide on or condone specifics, but do remember to scream.
2. The sex must be amazing. It must be your wildest wet dreams come to life, like the one where porn stars are nibbling at your pubic hair while your back is being rubbed down with steel wool, or… well, you get the picture. Therefore, astounding sex must be had, or you’re losing something more then just the Lenten Challenge: you’re losing your honor as a man and as a cross-country runner.
3. Ones misdeeds must instantly enter the realm of morally questionable myth and legend. You know that one time with that one chick that wanted you to do that one thing with the banana pudding, feather boas and the monkeys from the Philly zoo? Or how about that dream you had with Barbara Streisand, plungers, a whole roast chicken and a kiddie pool filled with Vick’s Vapo-Rub? Well, this is the time to make those dreams come true, and make sure the loser in question goes out in style.

But no Lenten Challenge fiasco would be absolutely complete without the choice of the perfect, sketchy partner. Now who qualifies as the perfect partner? Thankfully your trusted essayist has a few suggestions that stand above the rest in making sure that God hates you just a little bit more for having failed His most worthy of contests.

The first is that your intended partner must be underage. To elaborate on the correct bracket of underage a loser should be shooting for, let this essayist elaborate on the “Tom Reynold’s Fair Game Equation,” followed by the “Daniel Hodson Addendum.”(1) Our illustrious coach Tom has given us this guide: to know if a partner is acceptably within the cultural norms of our society to take advantage of, take ones age, divide in half, and then add seven. In a more formal form:

P=(A/2)+7

P equals acceptable age of one’s partner, and A equals your age.(2)

However, one must also remember the Hodson Addendum, which states quite clearly that:

S=(P-R)^5!

S equals sketch factor, P equals hypothetically correct age, and R equals real age, only if P≥R.(3)

And again, following the second caveat of Hodson’s Addendum, one must remember that adding is too much work, and so one ignores the acceptable P and then discovers that the H (for Hodson’s P) equals only (A/2). This gives the average cross country runner, who when combined with a P partner that would generate an S factor of around infinity, becomes with an H your acceptable Lenten Challenge failure/partner’s age of around age 10.

But the loser in question cannot stop working there, oh no! He must strive to make sure that the partner in question has a reputation, of such magnitude that the legends of the partner, and consequently our loser, will be told for generations to come. Now ones partner can be a person of exceptional body characteristics, personality skills, or *ahem* other skills. A partner with exceptional body characteristics is an important aspect, and one that may play heavily on the requirement for wild sex and/or taboo-style bizarre. A person with personality skills entails a partner who will generate a play-by-play of your Lenten Challenge failure that will be the instant fodder of everyone from the SWIL president to that hermit 7th year who lives somewhere in Parrish. And as for ones partner’s other, special skills… while this is an essential and vitally necessary part of the partner finding scenario, this essayist will leave the specifics to the reader’s imagination.

Ultimately, one must decide on the maximal morally reprehensible damage that might occur from the perfect partner. And who better then one of your close friends. God loves nothing more then screwing you over, and how better to do that then beating Him to the punch? But that really does not cover the damage that can happen when you hook up with a best friend. So this essayist would suggest looking closely at your friends, and decide who amongst your fondest and dearest is the most likely candidate for social ruination. Finally, a quick stipulation: while possibly not affecting all of one’s social life to such a degree, the humiliation of teamcest in relation to the Lenten Challenge is an irresistible goal. So start sizing up our beautiful freshman, and get to it.

Finally, the Lenten Challenge occurs in the spring, with birds, flowers and sex on everyone’s minds. Therefore you should take advantage of the warming weather and attempt to inform the campus publicly of your most detestable of acts. How better then to try out exhibitionism in interesting public locations!

Spring is a time for nature to begin to commune again with the rest of the world, and communing with nature, like mammals do on the Discovery Channel, is a great way to lose. There are some particularly beautiful places to attempt, in particular the Lilac Garden, the President’s Lawn, and Parrish Circle. For the last one, do remember to watch out for road rash. Academic buildings are all perfect places, and what better way to get back at that professor then leaving questionable stains in his/her classroom. This can be accomplished at any time, but particularly good times would be nights, weekends or during class hours. And for those who are not comfortable with blatant exhibitionism, there are the more out of the way places. This essayist puts forward the bamboo garden, hanging off the flagpole on the roof of Parrish and the bathroom next to Pete’s office as secure, comfortable places to lose our sanctified competition.

You, oh fearless failure, has the attempt to go out in perfect style. For final and successful confirmation of an only partially shameful loss, one must have a walk of shame to Sharples with the partner in question. The loser must present himself to the team and announce failure, but at least in an acceptable manner. If you are still in the Challenge, I commend you, and hold fast. If you have failed this competition by your own hand, with none of the above criteria fulfilled, then this essayist feels nothing but reproach. You have shamed us all. You have clipped an angel’s wings with a hacksaw. You have clubbed baby angel-seals to death. You have contributed to global warming with the friction of your loss. May you put out your own eyes and walk away blind from Swarthmore for your transgressions.

Good luck, and may Pete be with you.

P.S. – I LOST.

1. Clinton, William. My Life. New York: Random House Press, 2007.
2. Böring-Berking, Uwe. Der Geschichte von der unheimlichen Mathematik. Berlin: Deutschvolk Press, 1894.
3. Jameson, Jenna. How to Make Love Like A Porn Star. Boston: Harvard University Press, 2006.

the standard has been set

from BBC News.....